The batter is crouched on the boundary rope. A coiled jack in the box, ready to explode on instruction. A ball of fear, excitement, awe, anxiety and joy. The camera closes in. It focuses not on the limbs or tools of his trade, but on his eyes. Peering deep into his eyes; attempting to examine what's beyond. For Will Pucovski, everything has led to this moment; his Test debut.
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Pucovski is 23 and has made it. Only four hundred and fifty-nine others have done this before him. He is the four hundred and sixtieth baggy green. 460, now his number, and only his. This is a success story. If he never plays another Test or scores another Test run, he is still a success story. He has managed.
Pucovski has overcome a struggle that many do not. A spectre has been living inside him, exacerbated by nine frightening concussions. This struggle inhabits many of us. It strangles until there is struggle no more. It binds strangers in an unwanted club. The black dog. Pucovski, like so many of us, knows it isn’t often conquered. It’s simply managed.
Yet, he took control. He removed himself from selection. The sacrifice of a lifelong dream is insignificant compared to continuing to live. The decision had real jeopardy. Will this moment arrive again? Every minute, awake or dreaming, had built towards it, only to turn it away at the last.
Removing himself for selection with a Test debut imminent was potentially fatal. Continuing without acting could have proved the same. Instead, it’s inspirational.
He’s stood in the same spot as so many of us. He’s felt the pain. Open up or bottle it up? Do they understand or feign sympathy? Will you be supported or subtly moved on?
Through the denial; the terror; the begging for mercy; the longing for an end; the unpredictability; the resignation; the rejection of help; the slow acceptance and the pleading for help. It’s never conquered, only ever managed.
Depression is the serial killer. Fear of the consequences in acknowledging it inhibit so many from accepting its existence; eventually it simply kills them. A cricketer, who has spent most of his life working towards one single dream, then refusing its arrival in exchange for life, is revolutionary. It saves lives. The modern role model.
Amongst the biosecure bubbles, player empowerment and agency is critical. Money making has no consideration of health after all. Many followed Pucovski’s lead over the following months, all with their own reason. They won’t be the last; each seeking to manage.
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Will Pucovski knew what was coming. It arrived within a few balls. A sizzling bouncer delivered towards his temple. The bowler gives a sympathetic, but unapologetic look. A flurry of limbs meets the ball at the batter's end, as he ducks and dives to avoid cataclysmic contact with the head.
The ball locates a small bit of upturned willow and runs off to the boundary.
It wasn’t played well. Similar balls would be arriving shortly, but the first was survived; simply managed.
Number four hundred and sixty made 62. It was his least significant contribution of the day.